divorce

[myranger26105]

was wondering how many people have been through one? me and my wife have been friends almost 8 years we started dating 3 years ago and got mairred 2 years ago. we have been fighting alot with both of us getting laid off and her now losing her unemployment just made it worse. thought this could never happen with me marrying my bestfriend "sounds kinda corny"
she is wanting to be seperated for awhile and see what happens. never really cared if i was single or with someone but this time its killing me i really dont want this to end but its usually lilke that i hear, one person not wanting the divorce and the other wanting it. im just kinda lost and was wanting to hear how someone else got through it.

 

[mini274]

i havent been through a divorce but was with my gf for 2 1/2 years and we were doin the same thing fighting all the time .... she left me and it killed me but the time apart just brought us closer together believe it or not... was separated for 2 years both had other relationships for long terms she moved to wyoming and i thoought i had lost her for good... until i decided one day i wasnt gonna give up ... so emailed her and the next day drove 48 hours straight in my oms mini van to wyoming... now we are both more happier than before and planning to get married in april of next year... so in my relationship time apart was just showing how much we truely love each other... so its a choice you both have to make or just drive through the arguments and just know that that who you want to be with...

 

[97RangerXLT]

I am assuming no kids, right? I have been down the road of divorce. I am on my second marriage and we have went through what you did last year. I had lost my job and went back to school, and right when my benefits ran out, my wife lost her job, so we were living on her unemployment for 4 months. sucked, but we got through it.

Counseling. get it ASAP. financial issues are always a sticky point in a marriage, but they can be worked through.

The only time you want to consider divorce is infidelity and abuse. Remember, this will get better once you both get a job, even if it is Mc Donalds..

AJ

 

[Doom's Day Custom]

Do what you feel is right man and if you want it to work than make it work ,if it doesn't work out than its for the best for you !!!! Good luck with it man !!!!

 

[Jim Oaks]

I was married for 14 years before my first wife and I got a divorced. I didn't want to get a divorce, but she did. Wasn't even open to trying to resolve it or go to counseling. I was so depressed I couldn't work. Doctor gave me a combination of drugs including Ambien and one morning I got in my truck, drove it down the road while I was still asleep and rolled it over. Got arrested and all kinds of crazy crap happened that day.

My point is, I was devastated. I never thought I would be someone who would get a divorce. Never thought my kids would have divorced parents. I never wanted to trust a woman again or ever get re-married.

(2) years later I met Vanessa. She has been an amazing wife. A much better wife than I ever could have dreamed of. This marriage really shows me how bad my first marriage really was. I just didn't know better.

Maybe your marriage will work out. If not, maybe you'll find yourself in an even better relationship later.

Sometimes life can reward you with some great highs, you just have to push through the lows.

 

[country0001]

I never wanted to trust a woman again or ever get re-married.


Maybe your marriage will work out. If not, maybe you'll find yourself in an even better relationship later.

Sometimes life can reward you with some great highs, you just have to push through the lows.

+1

 

[myranger26105]

no kids thank god.. it just kinda sucks because she has had a crush on me the whole time we were friends and i always said that if we date then if we ever break up or split up we are going to lose more than a bf\gf or husband/wife we were going to lose our friendship and that seems like what is happening but she did say that she was just going to move out and see what happens with us so hopefully it all turns out ok i really appreciate all the support never thought i would get that from people that i have never meet or really talked to thanks alot guys

 

[superdave1984]

Been divorced twice. It is never easy or fun even if it is for the best. It takes both of you wanting it to work or it just won't no matter what. You don't have to be on the same page all the time, but you do need to be in the same book at least. You both need to sit down together and separately and get your feelings, needs, and wants figured out. You each have to know what your own needs are before you can hope the other person can meet them. And no one person can meet all your needs. First you must understand before you expect to be understood. You both need to go to the trouble to write down this stuff. Your goals individually and your goals for the marriage. What you bring to the table and what you want the other person to bring to the table. What things are deal breakers and what things are just minor irritations. You may find out you have very little in common when it comes to these things and you may find you are both pretty much in tune. Things like kids, religion, finances are the biggest things you both have to be very close to the same on. For example, if you are a saver and she likes to splurge, there WILL be problems without both of you making big adjustments. Marriage takes regular maintenance just like your truck does. Sometimes it needs minor repairs, sometimes major overhauls. Sometimes it is too far gone to save. Most of the time however unless there is some form of abuse going on, whether substance (or any other addiction), physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual, things can be worked out. Neither party can give all and neither party can take all. Balance is required. Both of you have to be able to lead or follow as the situation demands. Strive for an equal partnership even if one of you makes the bulk of the money or does the bulk of the housework. Marriage means two people becoming one couple. Each with an independent identity. You are an individual, she is an individual and your marriage is an individual. Each with specific needs and each with different levels of maintenance required to keep it running correctly.

You are in charge of your own happiness, not someone else. Your thoughts, feelings, goals, etc are YOURS. Nobody else can create them. You do. You have the option. If you aren't happy, it's your fault. Someone else may have done something that you didn't like, but it is up to you to control how you react to it and what emotion you use with that reaction. Everybody hears "Oh he (or she) makes me so happy" Bullbleep. People get so caught up in that kind of thinking they don't even bother to develop their own emotions nor do they learn to use them correctly. Someone can provide an opportunity for you to show happiness, but they didn't make you happy nor do they make you sad. This does not mean you will be giddy at your mother's funeral just because you can choose to be. It does not mean you won't ever be sad. It means you are in control of how you feel. Pain is temporary and unavoidable. Suffering is lasting because it is self-imposed.

Good luck to both of you.

 

[erocka1982]

gotta tell ya, i been there. great learning expreience! i ended up meeting a way better girl a year later and couldnt be happier now. i say be strong and things will work out for you down the road. who knows maybe youll find a sugar momma

 

[red93terror]

This is kinda hard for me to talk about, but I was stuck in a relationship for 5 years with this extremely abusive girl. All seemed normal at first, then i started notcing things, like she would get jealous if i went through a checkout line with a girl, or if i made eye contact. And all my friends that happened o be girls, forget it. But she still hung out with guys and whe i said something she would just say im not your bitch, i can speak to and hang out with whoever i want. youre a man, you cant be friends with a woman without wantin to...you know... and I said, youre hanging out with guys all the time, so i guess theyre...you know...and she said its different. Guys I swear on my life, everytime i would try to leave this girl, she would attempt suicide. I just didnt want that on my conscious. In the 5 years we were together she has gone from about 135 pounds and 5'1" to 300 pounds. Its disgusting. And lazy as lazy gets. she thinks shes the only one who has to work. I work in a warehouse. its hot, the work is hard and i love it. she sits on her fat butt at a desk all day, comes home, plops on the couch and starts ordering me to get her stuff. I swera to god one nght i was in my bedroom and she was in the kitchen and she called my cell to pour her a glass of pepsi. "I worked all day" was the excuse she gave me, and i said , i didnt play with myself all day. But im a woman. youre the bitch, worship me. long stiry short, she got in a car accident, and her doctor started giving her anabolic steroid shots to help heal her back. she became violent one day and hit me with a baseball bat and is not allowed within 100 yards of me. never been happier.

 

[myranger26105]

thanks for all the support i really appreciate it we are going to take a lil break apart for a few days and she said that she would come over to the house and we can talk and see what happens from there so hopefully it will get better or we come to the conclusion that we are better off just selling the house and going our seperate ways

 

[BLOODBANE]

I just divorced my wife of 13 years in June of this year. We went through a short separation period where I found out my kidneys were not doing that well, when she wouldn't even be around for support on some of the decisions I had to make, I knew it was over. At first I didn't think I wanted to be divorced, but now that I look back on things its for the best. I am a better parent to my kids, even though I don't get to see them quite as often(right now I pick them up from school every day and have them every other weekend, next June we go to 50/50 time). Your going through a real rough time right now, trust me I know, but take a look at things and how they have happened and then you can ask yourself if your marriage can be fixed. It has to be 2 sided thing though. If you want it to be fixed and she doesn't it won't be fixed. Get the counseling if for anything some things you can improve in your own life(married or not). I hope things work out for the best for you(they mostly do, I have met a woman, and even though there is no talk of marriage, she fits me better than my ex-wife ever did). Hang in there man....

 

[trail B2]

Three and a half years ago I lost my family when my wife of twenty years changed her mind without any explanation.I was completely lost I didn't know any other life than that of a family man I also had to find a place to live and make the payments to my own house for child support.At least you two are talking about it when I would say we have problems we need to solve she would get up and walk out of the room shut the door behind her.The two lessons I learned were never do anything your not afraid to set in front of a judge and don't let this change your character or values.One child that is left at home is with me full time I'm living in my home with my girl friend of two years and her daughter we have a caring considerate relationship and talk out all are problems.You are right when you say friendship is the core of long
relationships.

{pain is temporary and unavoidable suffering is lasting because it is self imposed} Wise words superdave

 

[JohnnyO]

If your main problems stem from both of you being out of work, then finding jobs again might solve your problems. Maybe.
Married 14 years the first time, she left me and stole our kids to be with someone from her hometown in NY that she met on the Internet, 400 miles away. My kids were too young then and my own lawyer told me I didn't have a shot at custody because she was a stay-at-home mom and I was working two jobs. I also had the stress of starting a new business from scratch and my ex wisely waited to leave until it became somewhat profitable so that I would have to pay her a lot of money for her share, plus about $1000 a month in child support for ten years and I will be in debt up to my eyeballs for the rest of my life. Her deal didn't work out with him and she lived with a string of alcoholic and abusive b/f's (I'm neither) because she'd let any guy with a steady paycheck move in.
My son graduated from high school in 2008 and she knew she couldn't afford her house with only half of what I was sending, so she found a new boyfriend in VT. My son moved here to go to college. My daughter was 15 and wisely opted to move here with her brother and writes poems for her English class about her mother loving her boyfriends more than her and how much she hates her mother. So far the school hasn't called me in for a chat.
Wife #2 bought me in a charity bachelor auction I agreed to be in during a dry spell in 2002. She hasn't adapted real well to living in a house full of other people, is always pissed at me about something, I don't like her very much any more and wish she would get pissed off enough to move out. Got a pre-nup this time, so I don't give a shit.
Sorry for your troubles myranger26105, but as you see, things could be worse.

 

[Scotty J.]

Counseling is the first step to divorce, I've been divorced twice, trust me on this.

I left my first wife, my second left me so I know both sides of the equation. After my second I had a black heart and swore I'd never commit again. Then I ran across my current wife. She knows more about me than anyone on this planet. At the time I met her I had just been fired from my job, my second ex had left me with $150,000.00 in debt and my Mother died.

I was pretty much at the bottom of the pit so to speak. Unemployed I'd pop a cold one about 10:00am and was in the tank by 1:00pm. My wife (GF at the time) stuck it out with me. To this day we've still not had an argument. We disagree sometimes, but we don't argue about it.

Money is the root of most Divorces, Infidelity pretty much the rest. Counseling won't do anything but remind each of you what pisses you off about each other, not a good idea in my book. If you want to reconcile, then you need to communicate, spell everything out and if both are agreeable then it should work as long as everyone lives up to their agreement. If not, as long as you take the high road you won't have any regrets.