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Suicidal thoughts...


snoranger

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All yall have been really cool , and my appreciation is completely grateful.

Recently had an ultrasound scan done on my throat as a lump was found on it in November from a cat scan when I was in the hospital. My Dr had that done and the results are suspicious. She will be doing more testing, she is really wanting to know what it is. She suspects maybe cancer, reason for more testing to determine what is going on.

Will pass information as I can.

Thanks again for your support.
That sucks, but throat cancer can be beat. My step father was just diagnosed with throat cancer a few weeks ago… for the second time. He had it, and beat it 30+ years ago. The treatments have really come a long way since the last time he went through this.
 


sgtsandman

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Hoping for the best. Maybe it's just some calcium deposits like it was for me.
 

mtnrgr

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Hopefully it's nothing, who knows. Several years ago my sister had thyroid cancer, and her Dr did surgery to remove her right thyroid. She has been good.
 

97RangerXLT

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keeping you in my prayers. I wish/ hope/ pray for an easier life and healing for you, you have went through so much.

AJ
 

Chapap

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Hopefully it's nothing, who knows. Several years ago my sister had thyroid cancer, and her Dr did surgery to remove her right thyroid. She has been good.
Same here. 3 years and all is well.
 

mtnrgr

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Hello all my trs family,

I have been in and out of the hospital recently due to my failure in health and chronic pain thru my body..all in all I'm unable to really say how much longer I will be around, I would very much like to say most of you guys have been really great in the 23 years I have been on here. Until the day I go home I will be here as long as I can..

I really do appreciate all of your support, especially against the nay sayers against me and my Rebecca...I have no energy to really do much these days. My ranger mostly sits in the garage until I need to drive it..I will get out when I can to get some more pictures of it and where I go..maybe the lake, park, mtns, etc.

Frank
 
Last edited:

alwaysFlOoReD

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That's tough to hear. Best wishes headed your way.
 

sgtsandman

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Best wishes as always. Keep fighting like you are the third monkey on the ark, and it has just started raining.
 

lil_Blue_Ford

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Keep fighting brother, we are all pulling for you and I think I can safely speak for everyone that we love your pictures when you go out to a park or something!
 

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Yeap, fight that good fight Frank. I do enjoy seeing your pictures.. always jelous of the scenery and your truck!
 

pentode

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I saw this thread a few days ago. I've been debating whether I should say anything because I'm new here and you guys don't know me. There are some truly amazing comments in this thread, and I think it's definitely the deepest and most thought provoking conversation I've ever seen on a car forum. In the end, I decided I couldn't keep my mouth shut and mtnrgr, I hope you won't mind me saying a few things. I'll try to be brief.

This isn't about me at all, but for context: I haven't lost my wife but I lost my 2 best friends to suicide in my 20s. I also have had a chronic medical condition that had me thinking about checking out every single day for over 5 years (and sadly I still do pretty often).

I don't know you but I'm so glad you chose to talk about this in the open. Neither of my friends asked for help and for anyone who hasn't been through it, it's brutal to live with the what-ifs afterwards. Speaking as someone who's been on the other side of suicide, I would just urge you to think deeply about the people around you and in your life that care about you - and clearly there are many. It's going to hurt them when you go, so I would urge you to make that choice your absolute, absolute last resort.

I don't think anyone can tell another man how much pain they need to bear. That's just about the most personal decision you'll ever have to make. I spent over 5 years going day to day, often minute to minute thinking there was no way I could keep going. Then at the end of one day I realized "holy &*%(, I didn't think about X all day long." And I realized there might be a way forward. 5 years later, it still sucks and I have bad days but most days I remind myself to just try to make the most of it.

I was going to try to think of something really wise to say, but earlier in the thread, I believe it was 99 XLT who said pretty much exactly what I wanted to say, probably better than I would have: "keep on grinding." Cause when you're down and you're in pain, that exactly what it is, a %$?#& grind. Do the things you love doing. Find new things you love doing. And contrary to what some people might tell you, it's perfectly fine to do nothing at all. Just stare at the sky if that's all you feel like doing. And I guess as a final thought I'd just say what while I think the advice about living a drug and chemical free life is great advice, use the tools that are out there to lessen your pain if you can't stand it any more. There are tools out there that really do work.

Best of luck to you my friend, keep a clear head and try to hang on and squeeze every last drop of happiness out of this life before you go- you'll have eternity for what comes next. 🙏
 

mtnrgr

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Appreciate your long explanation on some of your history. It isn't my first to be like this in my life with these thoughts. My Rebecca and I have a real long history, she was my all and so much more...whenever I had this in my past she was always the first person I contacted or drove to be with her at anytime day or night..she always took me in as is never any questions asked, we would speak for hours. Other times she came to my aid for anything I needed or wanted..after we knew had known each other for ten years we became a couple for a very long time, and we were extremely protective of each other, her a whole lot more of myself. I watched over her in ways no one will ever believe or know..with my 2 German rottweilers..nobody dared to come close..believe me when I say that. In time I needed and wanted her to be my wife..20 years, how she passed is truly...the words I have about covid are, well i will leave it at that.

Trs has been my family for over two decades..sure I wanted to attend groups and meet alot of these guys, most have been back east and certain reasons I couldn't attend. Jim Oaks, Bobby Walter, Will and so many more I have always wanted to shake thier hands and talk with them in person...as an old school gear head these guys are the same and so much more..they are ranger enthusiasts, they are ford guys and are chill as can be.

As you stay cool like most, I will respect you..for those who have been uncool, I will say my past and my old school temperament and where I'm from and who I have known and learned from..you disrespect my loyalty (learned alot from Japanese culture)...I have disabled a person's mouth for talking to much.

Pleasure hearing from you.
 

pentode

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Appreciate your long explanation on some of your history. It isn't my first to be like this in my life with these thoughts. My Rebecca and I have a real long history, she was my all and so much more...whenever I had this in my past she was always the first person I contacted or drove to be with her at anytime day or night..she always took me in as is never any questions asked, we would speak for hours. Other times she came to my aid for anything I needed or wanted..after we knew had known each other for ten years we became a couple for a very long time, and we were extremely protective of each other, her a whole lot more of myself. I watched over her in ways no one will ever believe or know..with my 2 German rottweilers..nobody dared to come close..believe me when I say that. In time I needed and wanted her to be my wife..20 years, how she passed is truly...the words I have about covid are, well i will leave it at that.

Trs has been my family for over two decades..sure I wanted to attend groups and meet alot of these guys, most have been back east and certain reasons I couldn't attend. Jim Oaks, Bobby Walter, Will and so many more I have always wanted to shake thier hands and talk with them in person...as an old school gear head these guys are the same and so much more..they are ranger enthusiasts, they are ford guys and are chill as can be.

As you stay cool like most, I will respect you..for those who have been uncool, I will say my past and my old school temperament and where I'm from and who I have known and learned from..you disrespect my loyalty (learned alot from Japanese culture)...I have disabled a person's mouth for talking to much.

Pleasure hearing from you.
I really hope nothing I said sounded preachy. I certainly don't have all the answers. I'm not sure I have any at all actually. It pains me to know someone is out there suffering like that and I guess I told you some of my stuff so you'd understand why I felt like I just wanted to say something - things I didn't get a chance to say in the past and things I think we all need to remember as we struggle.

I've been with my wife 27 years and trust me, it's been more complicated and difficult than most marriages. Now we're going through an especially tough time and it's turned my life completely upside down- and I'd still throw myself in front of a bus for her. Point is, I understand the value of loyalty and I deeply respect it.

I really wish you all the best. I hope we get a chance to chat again in the future.
 

mtnrgr

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2WD
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Tire Size
31x10.50
My credo
Lord God is my guardian
Your good, no harm on your words.
 

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