Suicidal thoughts...

[Eddo Rogue]

I didn't, regret it later I didn't.

That happens to me more often than not. I regret it sometimes, but also conclude I was living in the moment and did not want to step out to capture it.

 

[Ranger850]

I didn't, regret it later I didn't.

It's cool. At least you have the memories to enjoy

 

[lil_Blue_Ford]

All really sinks in to know who are the ones who stick with us during difficult times...trs has really supported me in a variation of assistance.

Really do hope your situation improves.

Thanks man, I’m hoping and praying things get better for you too.

It’s very true about who sticks by in difficult times. I thought I had a few friends. About the only ones reasonably local that have stuck by is my gf and my mechanic buddy that lives in town. Got two other friends that are local but usually insanely busy, they check in once in awhile and I can’t really complain, especially because the one is a self employed contractor with a wife, step son, and baby. My longest “friend“ is claiming extremely busy with work and kids, but doesn’t even bother to check in.

I have better friends through TRS. @sgtsandman actually went and picked me up from my gf’s and brought me home because my planned ride fell through (car problems, my mechanic buddy and it was a warranty problem so he couldn’t just fix it) and @JohnnyO was willing if he couldn’t. I felt bad about asking for help, always have, probably because so many “friends” over the years have left me hanging. But TRS didn’t disappoint, there truly are some awesome people on here.

Things with my girlfriend are a little kinda unusual. Both of us are at different points in our lives so it will likely never be anything more than what we currently have, but we get along fairly well and enjoy each other’s company. She lost her husband and love of her life a few years back under tragic circumstances. She had to be the one to pull his life support which earned her eternal hatred. His family refuses to talk to her, his son who she raised (her step-son) refuses to speak to her and didn’t tell her that she was a grandmother, it slipped out of her oldest boy’s fiancé at Christmas one year. They had been told not to tell my gf, Lisa. Both Lisa’s oldest and youngest said to her face during one holiday in front of me that they hate her for killing their dad. Her oldest was her son but not her husband’s, he was from before they met and got married. I can’t imagine how difficult that all has been on her. Between that pressure and losing her husband, she made some really bad choices for awhile that landed her in jail for awhile more than once. I can’t really fault her for that. She has tattoos and piercings and dyes her hair, doesn’t go to church and has a bit of an attitude, all of which doesn’t sit well with my parents who are Bible thumpers. So I get stuck in the middle and it sucks.

 

[JohnnyO]

Don't off yourself. I'm a funeral director and family and friends will take it hard. People falling down on the floor in the funeral home crying, beating their fists on the floor, then I have to pick them up and help them to a chair and get them some water.
On top of which, if you commit suicide the coroner will do an autopsy and that makes a mess of things.
Try and think long-term. Shit gets better.

 

[Snoranger]

Don’t do it!!!!!
I had a close relative kill herself (bullying, long story that I’d rather not talk about)... It only hurts the ones who love you, but it never stops hurting. A song on the radio, turn down the wrong road, even a certain smell in the air will remind you of your lose.

 

[Eddo Rogue]

Also God don't like it.

 

[mtnrgr]

If any of you guys were closer, I would like to shake all of your hands...

Still handling it each day.

Thanks to all..

 

[Eddo Rogue]

We got your back like Chiropractors.

 

[Ranger850]

If any of you guys were closer, I would like to shake all of your hands...

and I'd grab your hand and pull you in for a hug. We're here for you bud.

 

[Blmpkn]

We got your back like Chiropractors.

Chiropractors can be shut by the state for malpractice and all sorts of things.


We have his back like scoliosis...

Only in a good way.

 

[JohnnyO]

I have better friends through TRS. @sgtsandman actually went and picked me up from my gf’s and brought me home because my planned ride fell through (car problems, my mechanic buddy and it was a warranty problem so he couldn’t just fix it) and @JohnnyO was willing if he couldn’t. I felt bad about asking for help, always have, probably because so many “friends” over the years have left me hanging. But TRS didn’t disappoint, there truly are some awesome people on here.

If the weather ever gets good and stays good we'll have to do a meet & greet at Jerry's Curb Service again.
I looked out the window at work this afternoon and sleet was bouncing off the parking lot for a minute and they're calling for snow tomorrow. I'm so over this crap.

 

[racsan]

We had a rain/sleet mix here in ohio about 7 tonight, then the sun was out , bright as could be and you couldnt see a thing with the glare off of the road. Possibly some snow tomorrow, but low 70’s by wednesday. Crazy!

 

[Eddo Rogue]

If the weather ever gets good and stays good we'll have to do a meet & greet at Jerry's Curb Service again.
I looked out the window at work this afternoon and sleet was bouncing off the parking lot for a minute and they're calling for snow tomorrow. I'm so over this crap.

We had this today

 

[lil_Blue_Ford]

If the weather ever gets good and stays good we'll have to do a meet & greet at Jerry's Curb Service again.
I looked out the window at work this afternoon and sleet was bouncing off the parking lot for a minute and they're calling for snow tomorrow. I'm so over this crap.

That would be nice. I was going to ask about doing a meet last year before my concussions. Anxious for this weather to moderate a little so I can get back to trying to work on my green Ranger. That will be a nice toy to take there. My choptop would be too, but it still needs work too.

 

[lil_Blue_Ford]

@mtnrgr , hope you’re still hanging on there. I do really understand being in some dark places. I largely hated poetry growing up and really hated it when I had to write some for school for years because I was never good at it. I was a pretty good writer, just not with poetry. Then I hit a really dark place in my life and was largely alone, no real friends to speak of at all, ad odds with my parents, etc. I was an insomniac, no more than about 3 hours of broken sleep a night and even sleeping pills didn’t help. I drank regularly and alone and at some point in that mess, poetry came out. Enough to make a book that I ended up publishing on Amazon Kindle. The Little Black Book of Poetry. I always likened it to Robert Frost on a bad day. Not sure if that’s an entirely apt description, but I like to think it is. There was a bit of double meaning to the title and chapters and all that I haven’t really shared. Perhaps it might be worth checking out for you. I will say, a lot of it is kinda dark. But for me at least, it was a way to let out some of the hurt.

I haven’t done a whole lot of writing in recent years, and that’s something I kinda want to change. Not sure how much poetry will come out, I have written some since the book. I think a lot has to do with using a tablet and phone more and not sitting at my computer and to some degree it also has to do with that I’m not really that person so much anymore. I do have some friends who would do anything for me, both on and off the forums now. My drinking habits are under control (a lot of that was deciding to severely limit liquor but allow myself to enjoy beer, which I’ve always been better at managing my intake of). So I now brew my own or buy it and a lot of it is on the craft side of things so I’m perfectly happy with one or two and enjoying the flavor over the alcohol content.

These concussions and the ongoing recovery have really kind of both brought back a struggle with dark places and given me some reflection on things and that although I’ve come a long way, there are still things that I need to change with myself. It’s not at all easy though.