@mtnrgr , so now I feel bad just now coming across this thread instead of months ago. And it’s probably going to take me a bit to get all of my thoughts out. I am thankful you are still with us though. You’re probably going to have to bear with me a bit though. Back in September I ended up suffering two concussions 5 days apart and it turned my world upside down. Not the first time my life has come apart at the seams. But it has been an incredible struggle and a lot of the things that I’ve used in the past to help me through rough times either were not there anymore or were not a help. Here we are 6 months later and I still struggle. I’m improving, but it’s been a horribly slow process. I’m hoping that I can improve enough to get back to work in another month, but I’ve been saying that for months, so we shall see. I haven’t posted much about my concussions on the open forums because everything is still ongoing.
But let me back up a little first. Especially because I’ve had to deal with a couple “suicides” in the past few years. I’m honestly not sure what’s worse, an actual suicide or a murder labeled a suicide. Both affect people that you may not consider. Just because you may not see it as affecting anyone (the whole nobody cares about me), doesn’t mean it won’t. I’ve been in both positions. And brother, you will seriously hurt some people with a successful suicide, I can say that with certainty. What’s worse is it can push those people to consider suicide. You never know, there may just be someone who is hanging on just because you’re still alive. They don’t have to be a close friend to be that person. I say that because I have been that person before. So I’m thankful that you’re still with us and that I was unaware of how bad it got for you when I was more vulnerable than I currently am. Because make no mistake, I was in a bad place and struggling pretty hard with things a couple months ago. Still not really in a good place, but not where I was.
It didn’t help matters that a couple months ago a guy who was friends with my gf and who I knew supposedly committed suicide. The original story was he had totaled his car with no registration or insurance and fled the scene a few months before. He promised his daughter that he wouldn’t go back to jail but they were getting close to finding him so he went into a closet in the house he was staying and shot himself in the stomach and wasn’t found for a couple days. It came out before the funeral service that after two weeks the police hadn’t released the body to the family, the gun wasn’t found with him nor powder burns on his hands, a bag of meth was found with him and some other “inconsistencies”. I went with my gf to the funeral and it turned into a shit show with fights starting and an inconsolable baby momma who was cycling between sobbing uncontrollably and wanting to shank someone. That was not at all fun. It hit hard and I wasn’t really much of a friend with the guy. After all, my gf and him cheated on me. It still hit me hard because he didn’t deserve that ending.
I also had a girl I dated for a bit threaten suicide if I broke up with her. She had three kids. I ended up tracking down her pastor and explaining the whole mess because there was no way I could continue dating her and be happy, we had reached the point of divergent paths. I don’t know what happened with it, cut all ties after the pastor said he would take it from there.
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