Christmas Funny

[nitrofan1]

Santa Claus brings poor Rudolph to the vet. He says to the vet "Doctor, please do something for my Rudolph. His nose won't light up, and I really need him to pull the sleigh tonight."

The vet walks out of the room and returns with a beautiful black Labrador. The dog stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs Rudolph from top to bottom.

The vet then pats the dog and leads him out of the room. Then he comes back in with a cat. The cat jumps up on the exam table and sniffs Rudolph from head to toe. Then the cat runs out of the room.

The vet turns to Santa and says, "Whatever it is, it will run it's course in 24 hours. That'll be $550.

Santa gasps: "That's outrageous. You're charging me $550 and Rudolph's no better off than when I brought him in."

The vet shrugs. "That's the usual charge." he tells Santa. "Fifty dollars for the office visit, and $500 dollars for the Lab report and the Cat scan."

Merry Christmas Everyone!

 

[Bennybooster]

haha.....punny

 

[COPPERHEAD85]

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The Top 15 Reindeer Games
15> Strip poker with Mrs.Claus
14> Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass
13> Spin the Salt Lick
12> Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers
11> Moose or Dare
10> Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends
9> Bait-and-Shoot Elmo
8> The Annual Turn-Frosty-Yellow-from-50-Paces Contest
7> Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot
6> Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"
5> Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass
4> Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen
3> Elf Tossing
2> Sniff the Tail on the Donkey

and the Number 1 Reindeer Game...
1> The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking Game

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[Colin]

A Little Christmas Story
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as

fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.



Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa

even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to

give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows

where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy

bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.



Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider

and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider

jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen

floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off

the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked

it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely

day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'



And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.



Not a lot of people know this.

 

[Ranger Sport Honduras]

hahahahahhahahahahahhaa u guys earned some rep!