Stupidest thing you've ever heard...

[bsmithbyitch]

my friend called me and asked if i would come over and look at this truck he was working on because something wouldn't work right.....i got there and he told me he was replacing the spark plug wires and went back to autozone three times because they gave him the wrong plugs.....i get there and he opens up the box and says "the sons of bitches did it again!!!!! i told them that one of the plugs needs an adapter to the starter!!!!'' I thought i seriously was going to piss myself from laughing so hard......moral of the story.....don't work on something if your not 110% sure of what your doing.

 

[coryg]

a good friend of mine recently got like a 94 grand am gt. he brought it over and he said "dude this thing is quick, its got a supercharger!" i said yeah? he then showed me the gtp symbol someone had ripped off of a grand prix and glued onto the back of his car. i told him to pop the hood and had to explain to him that his 3.4 was NOT supercharged. needless to say, he didnt believe me and insisted i go for a ride with him to see how fast it was. 0-60 in 5 seconds he says. lets just say its only 5 seconds if you're counting really slooooow. nevertheless, he still believes his car has a supercharger.

 

[adsm08]

......moral of the story.....don't work on something if your not 110% sure of what your doing.

I dunno, I fixed the brakes on a hybrid escape once and I was only about 5% sure of what I was doing.

The problem was they don't work, and the pedal was all mushy.

I was 100% sure it wasn't a hydraulic issue. That was about 5% of the overall problem. (needed an ABS module).

 

[User Name missing]

my wife gave me complete hell for not putting the mirrors of her car back for her after I drove.............

and pretty much every bitchy word that comes out of my mother-in-laws fat mouth!

EDIT: oh damn, I forgot one of the best. We were flipping channels and there was a documentary on Amsterdam (sp?). I told her I'd like to go there, she looked at me with a weird look and seriously said "you want to go to Canada?" A year later I made her a T-shirt for Christmas that said "I want to go to Amsterdam, Cananda". The back said "and drink white wine".........I'm not goin into that story. I wish I could remember half the stuff my MIL said, but I must have put a mental block on it all.

 

[User Name missing]

Your comment reminds me of what some guys pulled on me on my first day working at a butcher shop. They asked me to go find a "squegee sharpener."

Being a FNG (effin' new guy) I went looking for this thing for about 20 minutes before I got the joke.

For the record, they're right next to the metric left-handed screwdrivers, and above the buckets of elbow grease.

when I worked at McDonalds, whenever a new guy started, we told him to go back to the stock room for a jar of peanut butter. one idiot looked for a full half hour. there was a few others, but after many many years, it all starts to fade.

 

[exbass94]

I work at Napa. There were 2 guys I used to work with: Al and Frank. One day Al told Frank to look for a can of "Beep." "It's for a horn," Al said. Frank looked for a good 10 min before saying "Al, I can't find it!"

 

[Scotty J.]

Parts counter guys are notorious for their razor wit. One of the best I heard, I had to have been only 20 years old or so, so this stuff has been going since the beginning of time.

I was waiting on some parts so I was sitting at the counter and a woman walked up and was looking for something like an oil cap or something. Billy (the owner of the store) proceeded with the normal questions, Make, Model, Engine... she fired back all those answers, he buried his head in the HUGE book they had back in those days, and without missing a beat asked her "what color did you say that car is". She replied without missing a beat "Blue" I'm over there doing the best I can to keep from falling off the stool. One of the most funny things I have ever seen.

 

[Hopman]

I work at Napa. There were 2 guys I used to work with: Al and Frank. One day Al told Frank to look for a can of "Beep." "It's for a horn," Al said. Frank looked for a good 10 min before saying "Al, I can't find it!"

Of course, if it was for a Roadrunner horn, he'd need two cans!

 

[adsm08]

Everything that comes out of the mouth of my mother-in-law to be and her husband comes to mind.

 

[Legend]

My high school wood shop was taught by the principal. He left for a few minutes and 2 guys got in an argument about whether a big wood rasp would jam the table saw. So one of them turned on the saw and slid the rasp into it. It didn't jam - it rocketed the rasp through the shop room door, just as the returning principal was opening it, missing him by fractions of an inch. He stood there looking at the guy at the saw, who said, "Mmmmmmm............ Just testing?"

 

[MEAKIN]

"there's no way im paying for my new sled while its in the shop for warranty work"

 

[BLOODBANE]

One of the best things I have ever heard and the people were dead serious.
Out of state hunters came into the western slope of Colorado(Gunnison), asked, "at what altitude do Deer become Elk"?. Like I said they were dead serious. I was glad I wasn't hunting that season.....

 

[lil_Blue_Ford]

I've heard my share of stupid things....

And yes, it is VERY funny sometimes with new guys. We've sent them for all sorts of things... my favorite has to be the stretching tools.... I'll give an example:

We run short on rebar, we need another about 2' to finish the job and we just used up every piece we have. "Hey, run down to the truck and grab the rebar stretcher. It's got the long blue handles, can't miss it." 99% of people do go looking for it. 96% have returned with some sort of tool and asking if they found the right one. The worst (or best) was when a guy came walking back holding a bronze 1" concrete groover and wanted to know if he found the correct stretching tool....


Then there was the time a new guy was told that we had to hurry up and dig a hole in the front yard of a house to bury the leftover concrete from the mixer. He grabbed a pick and shovel and went nuts trying to dig a hole, everyone else was laughing too hard to stop him, lol.


The old "Employee Contract" was always good for a few laughs... (I wonder if that thread is still on here somewhere...)


Oh I have tons more...

 

[flyingbrick]

Here lil Blue.

http://www.therangerstation.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43405&highlight=Employee+Contract

 

[User Name missing]

I finally remembered a good one from my mother-in-law. I was renovating the house we now live in and was getting the water heater changed. I couldn't be there cause I had to work, so my MIL said she can. The ppl came to remove the old WH and install the new one. The old WH is an elec model, prob as old as the house itself ('built in '55). I guess the old WH didnt have a drain. Sooo my brilliant MIL called ME to see how they can drain it. Duh, I'm not a plumber, thats their ****n job. I just told her how the hell should I know, punch a screw driver thru the side? Somehow they managed to take care of it.