Hoarding/Junk addiction


I have dealt with this issue at 2 levels - me, and then more intense situations externally.

1. Myself - not too bad, but I showed a tendency to keep stuff around 'until I could just get to it' - mostly things that needed repair. My wife (the exec in charge of the big decisions) finally just started tossing things. I will tell you this - if you can clear ONE SPACE you may find (I hope) a bump in energy and a feeling of lightness...

Recommended read : 'Lighten Up' by Michelle Passoff. A good easy read, with inspiration.

2. Others - we've been to hell with a neighbor who was so bad we ended up selling our new, custom built home at a loss in order to get away from him. My wife went back to that town recently to visit our old friends on the street, and came back saying "He's worse than ever". It's literally a continuous trash pile. No matter what the locals throw out, he will haul it to his place.

Another way I got hit was from a family member who is VERY intelligent, highly accomplished in her career, but a crazy bad hoarder - we're talking 3 full shipping containers, a house, a garage... and God knows what else now, 6 or 7 years later. It all came out with the passing of a parent. Somehow it unleashed dark forces that I can only guess at. Her husband left, and she became very aggressive and cunning.... dishing out a lot of damage, carefully planned and executed. I've blocked her and hope to keep out of her view permanently. (it helps that I'm on the other side of the world).

Your case is kind of a standout because you are willing to entertain the possibility of change. Hoarders are notoriously difficult to approach about their issue, and the professionals I have talked to have said that success in intervening with them is rare. (Our neighbor from the past would be visited by local police, inspectors and dump trucks, and be VERY upset as they cleared at least his front yard.... with police warning him to keep to one side... once the trucks left he would immediately begin 're-stocking').

Good luck in your journey with this. I can tell you that in my journey towards mininalism, life is so much better. It took me about a year to realize I would NEVER get around to selling video gear that probably cost me $100,000 - $150,000. I eventually hauled it to our local college's film & video education department, and the look on their faces, when I told them to unload my truck and take it all was probably worth it just by itself. I'm now renovating the utility room it was installed in - shelves are down and given away... and I don't miss the gear at all. Eyes forward to an uncluttered future.

I hope you keep finding the courage to move to the next step. The journey is hard but entirely worth it. And in the spirt of generosity, I do try to offer sympathy to people that are really bad with hoarding.... even though in different ways the few whose paths I have crossed, have put me through some hellish experiences.

Unfortunately, you are mistaken. I am not a family member and I don’t live in that town.
 
Oh, boy. You got me started. For starters, think about two things: (1) what hell your family will go through to clean out your hoarded stuff after something happens to you, and (2) potential legal issues from that stuff sitting around.

My father was a real hoarder. He had projects in mind for the things he would accumulate, and though he had some skill in getting older machinery to work, he just didn't have the time for all of it. In addition, in his final years he was living in a town that had rules against junk and derelict vehicles in yards. And most of the things he had accumulated were essentially junk. It was questionable whether he could make anything usable out of it. Other items would legally have been a problem to make usable, such as a sailboat on a trailer someone had given him that had no paperwork. Dad wanted to add kayaks to the sides and make a catamaran out of it (insert roll-eyes emoji here).

The town had been all over Dad's case about the derelict vehicles and stuff around the yard. I think because of him, the town passed an ordinance saying that unlicensed vehicles could no longer be kept in a yard even with a cover on them.

His sisters (my aunts) and their adult children (my cousins) and my brother and I worked for days to get two houses and yards cleaned out after he died, but we got it done. (One house had been my grandparents', the other his.) We filled two large salvage dumpsters with all of the junk. What little bit had value that we were able to sell was, mostly, actually my grandfather's leftover stuff.

In the end, very little of Dad's property remained after all of that work. I drove his old pickup for several years as needed for hauling or pulling a trailer, but it needed serious work to keep running and I finally junked it in 2022. The only significant thing of his I have today, 15 years after his passing, is a small utility trailer that I use to haul brush to the nearby city dump.

The sailboat finally went a few years after he died after sitting in the same spot in the side yard for who knows how long. It was full of water and I would not have trusted it in a river or lake even if I had had the ability to work on it, because it was fiberglass and the water inside had been through freeze-thaw cycles. In the end I had to take it to a landfill and pay a fee to dispose of it and the trailer. Turned out the boat did have a title (part of that missing paperwork Dad never got from the previous owner), and I had to show the state that it had been scrapped to get it off my taxes.

Financial advisors tell older clients to find out whether your adult children will even want your collections, classic vehicles, furniture, etc., after you pass away. Often the children won't, and we're talking about usable items. Most younger people will have no interest, no room, no time, and no money to maintain any of it. Now imagine that what you're collecting is scrap and junk. Do you really think they'll want any of it? Do you want them to spend days cleaning out junk when they have their own lives and obligations? Think carefully about this.

All right, I'm off the soapbox. Flame away.
 
Oh, boy. You got me started. For starters, think about two things: (1) what hell your family will go through to clean out your hoarded stuff after something happens to you, and (2) potential legal issues from that stuff sitting around.

My father was a real hoarder. He had projects in mind for the things he would accumulate, and though he had some skill in getting older machinery to work, he just didn't have the time for all of it. In addition, in his final years he was living in a town that had rules against junk and derelict vehicles in yards. And most of the things he had accumulated were essentially junk. It was questionable whether he could make anything usable out of it. Other items would legally have been a problem to make usable, such as a sailboat on a trailer someone had given him that had no paperwork. Dad wanted to add kayaks to the sides and make a catamaran out of it (insert roll-eyes emoji here).

The town had been all over Dad's case about the derelict vehicles and stuff around the yard. I think because of him, the town passed an ordinance saying that unlicensed vehicles could no longer be kept in a yard even with a cover on them.

His sisters (my aunts) and their adult children (my cousins) and my brother and I worked for days to get two houses and yards cleaned out after he died, but we got it done. (One house had been my grandparents', the other his.) We filled two large salvage dumpsters with all of the junk. What little bit had value that we were able to sell was, mostly, actually my grandfather's leftover stuff.

In the end, very little of Dad's property remained after all of that work. I drove his old pickup for several years as needed for hauling or pulling a trailer, but it needed serious work to keep running and I finally junked it in 2022. The only significant thing of his I have today, 15 years after his passing, is a small utility trailer that I use to haul brush to the nearby city dump.

The sailboat finally went a few years after he died after sitting in the same spot in the side yard for who knows how long. It was full of water and I would not have trusted it in a river or lake even if I had had the ability to work on it, because it was fiberglass and the water inside had been through freeze-thaw cycles. In the end I had to take it to a landfill and pay a fee to dispose of it and the trailer. Turned out the boat did have a title (part of that missing paperwork Dad never got from the previous owner), and I had to show the state that it had been scrapped to get it off my taxes.

Financial advisors tell older clients to find out whether your adult children will even want your collections, classic vehicles, furniture, etc., after you pass away. Often the children won't, and we're talking about usable items. Most younger people will have no interest, no room, no time, and no money to maintain any of it. Now imagine that what you're collecting is scrap and junk. Do you really think they'll want any of it? Do you want them to spend days cleaning out junk when they have their own lives and obligations? Think carefully about this.

All right, I'm off the soapbox. Flame away.
I dont have kids...


That said i keep 90% of it at the old house...in the middle of no where and honestly what i have isnt shit compared to some others out there lol.

My town doesnt really care about vehicles as long as they are parked in the driveway. I made mine into basically a small parking lot years ago. I could fit probably 6 or 7 RBV sized vehicles in it....lol
 
Having a junk hoard and concerns about family having to deal with it is different at 40 years old vs 60 or 80 years old.

I also think the "think of your children" comments are counterproductive. It's relatable because I had to help clean out my grandparents house when they died but I never would have gone to them and said "get rid of your stuff so that I don't have to do it for you." If it's actual trash...food wrappers, old newspapers, broken stuff...sure... but I hope my kids never tell me to get rid of my hobby projects, parts and tools.

Building stuff and doing projects is what gets me out of bed in the morning. I love that, brings me a lot of joy. Some people find joy in other things. That's totally fine but those are always the people screaming about a pile of axles or whatever their definition of junk is. In their eyes anyone who has any material possessions is a hoarder. Live & let live is dead.
 
Live and let live is how I try to be. I don't like the idea of anybody having a say in what I do at my home. So I won't say anything about what anyone else does. Exceptions only for high speed crossing the property line (Hasn't been a problem yet, though I have plenty of neighbors who shoot they tend to do it safely.) or serious visible child endangerment.

As for the junk thing, mom is like that. She already had one room of the house I grew up in piled so high the floor broke out before I moved out. Now she has a path to get to her bed (in the kitchen because all 5 bedrooms are full),to the couch, and the bathroom. She has to stack things across the couch to reach her washer and dryer. It's silly. MY middle sister has already said she'd split the cost of a dozer to get rid of it when something happens.
 
Having a junk hoard and concerns about family having to deal with it is different at 40 years old vs 60 or 80 years old.

I also think the "think of your children" comments are counterproductive. It's relatable because I had to help clean out my grandparents house when they died but I never would have gone to them and said "get rid of your stuff so that I don't have to do it for you." If it's actual trash...food wrappers, old newspapers, broken stuff...sure... but I hope my kids never tell me to get rid of my hobby projects, parts and tools.

Building stuff and doing projects is what gets me out of bed in the morning. I love that, brings me a lot of joy. Some people find joy in other things. That's totally fine but those are always the people screaming about a pile of axles or whatever their definition of junk is. In their eyes anyone who has any material possessions is a hoarder. Live & let live is dead.
^^ This.

Also it’s more than just live and let live is dead, I think it’s that people don’t know how to be adults anymore. They would rather complain and demand that onerous regulations be put in place rather than trying to be an adult about things.

I don’t know who has complained, but supposedly someone has complained about my property. I knew going in that I was dealing with a hoarder’s property, but I was unprepared for the scale. If I had the money at any time after realizing that this was more than a just a bit of cleaning up, I would have had a line of roll off boxes and a mini excavator with a thumb and it would be cleaned up quickly. But I haven’t had $10-20k to do that. Add in some unexpected health issues and it’s all I can do to chip away at the problem here and there. How about rather than complaining come to me as an adult and ask if there’s something that can be done to help me.

I realize that approach isn’t likely to work with a true hoarder, but for a lot of people, I think it would. Quit hating your neighbor and ask if you can help. As the old saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than a hammer. Maybe they’ve had unexpected problems in their life and need help but are too proud to ask for it or don’t know where to turn. Be an adult and a real neighbor instead of trying to throw everyone under the bus.
 

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