Suicidal thoughts...

[Eddo Rogue]

From my experience with folks going thru stuff, it’s harder on those around the them than the person themself. Not even close friends necessarily. Just folks who are in regular contact and know what’s going on. Here’s my story. I find it to be comical, but no one else does.

I fell off a hover board on thanksgiving 2021, mildly broke my back, got concussed, and lost consciousness for a short time. Got a head/back CT scan at the ER that found cancer. I don’t really think about any of it and am just along for the ride. Not so much with everyone around me.

My buddy is an avid one wheel rider. He was on a trip with his wife and her sister/brother in law. The Brother in law decided to try the onewheel and fell off, smacking his head. He ended up in a coma, and survived with minor brain damage, which caused severe personality changes. He became very mean, angry, irritable and suicidal. Before the accident he was your average pleasant, happy go lucky guy . They staged an intervention of sorts to try to realize him how he is being. He sort of got it, but was still unable to change or control the negative emotions. It been very difficult for his wife and kids.
Moral of the story is its amazing how the brain works, and just how complicated and delicate it is.

 

[mtnrgr]

Hello all,

I have had some really frustrating times lately again..it has added to my stress, sadness, even more suicidal thoughts to where I cry most days. I have always been one to deal with life, people, punches, bullshit, etc.

Nowadays, all seems to where the world is attacking me every way possible from every angle and can't handle it anymore.

I have lost so much of my ways in lifes journey...it started after I had my fall on my head from landing face first on concrete in my old garage causing the brain injury in 2019.

These days I only wanna tell people and things "fuafo", little saying I came up with awhile ago.

How do you guys deal with when you feel like others are attacking you?

Getting thru serious stages of depression and sadness? Without pills, I won't take pills.

When you feel mentally and physically beat down, how do you guys get back on your feet to move forward when your constantly being kicked down?

I was able to handle a lot of that in my life, now the memory is not there for me to handle these situations. I have spoken with a few people, yet it's still really difficult.

How do you guys handle it?

 

[alwaysFlOoReD]

Why do you refuse pills? If you get a cut on your hand do you refuse to put on a bandaid? If you cut your arm bad enough do you refuse stitches? It may take a while to find the right meds, but I think once you do you can then give your body and mind the time to heal itself.

 

[Blmpkn]

Its good to hear from you @mtnrgr and I understand where your coming from with not wanting to take medications..

But.. what your experiencing is a chemical imbalance... and an extremely threatening one at that.

Healing can't happen with that much of an imbalance going on, unfortunately. What your brain probably needs is a bit of a chemical push back in the right direction.

Please, consider medication.

 

[Eddo Rogue]

I self medicate. Whether its alcohol, smoke, ice cream, or motorcycle ride...or locking myself in the bathroom for a bit to hide from everyone, including my phone. I find a fix.

Kava Kava is a natural anti depressant. You should try some. St. Johns wort as well.

 

[NakedDucks]

I’m not an addict.... but I’ve had friends who were, and the one thing they always told me about recovery was...

“When you wake up, get through today, then worry about tomorrow” (and repeat this exact sentence when you wake up tomorrow.... meaning..... take it one day at a time.)

Now I don’t say that to say you’re an addict or anything, but what I mean is.... that one sentence can help everyone who’s hurting.

I went through a 5 yr custody battle, and it damn near torn me in 1/2. All I wanted was equal time, and I was fighting false accusations, lies, and manipulated court systems. Her dad was very high ranking in the sheriff’s office.... so no one would listen.

And I considered suicide as well. And got so close one night that I called and begged a friend at 2:30am to drive 3 hours to take my guns away from me and make sure I didn’t do any self harm.

He kept them till HE felt safe that I wouldn’t use them against myself. I did what I had to do to make it through “that day”, went to sleep, and then repeated the process the next day.... and the next... and the next.

And I don’t care how low you get... I’M HERE for you. Call me anytime day or night... (205) 470-6143. There is help.... even if it’s just some redneck from Alabama!

On another note, I’ve been on the opposite side of a suicide.... I was one left behind when my step mom did it. I was 9.

So I also know the hurt and guilt I felt bc I didn’t reach out, bc I didn’t see the signs, bc I didn’t do anything to stop it. I could have listened, I could have talked, I could have found help.

HELP IS AVAILABLE!!!!

And one more thing.....

You have ALREADY taken a much needed step to recovery.... you recognized there’s a problem you can’t control, and your reaching out for help!! I am proud of you!!! And I love you!

 

[Chapap]

I wouldn’t definitively count drugs out. I completely understand that feeling and tend to think that way too. I think psych drugs are way over prescribed amd that’s why they have a bad rep. Sometimes they’re perfectly reasonable.

I’ve been close the Rx experimenting procedure and can be painful… especially when there are adverse reactions to some. It’s a hard thing to pin down when something doesn’t work. You have to have a good doc that you trust and that trusts you. He has to to interpret what you’re telling him and he has to trust that you’re following the Rx properly. And you have to trust that he’s not just doping you up.

If you ever do decide to give it a shot, be completely honest with the doc. Tell him you don’t want drugs but are trying them. If you don’t think you trust the doc, find a new one. Follow the Rx PERFECTLY. If you don’t think you’ll follow the Rx perfectly, don’t start. If you decide to quit them, tell the doc and follow the quitting instructions. Don’t just stop.

Find a trusted friend to get second opinions on your decisions during the process too. You’ll want someone who will talk anytime andknows you (and doesn’t charge a copay) to be able to make sure you don’t make stupid decisions.

 

[fastpakr]

Please, please don't write medication off completely. Yes - they're frequently overprescribed. But they do exist for a reason. There IS a time and a place for them. And a good physician will help you determine the answer to that question.

 

[lil_Blue_Ford]

@mtnrgr , so now I feel bad just now coming across this thread instead of months ago. And it’s probably going to take me a bit to get all of my thoughts out. I am thankful you are still with us though. You’re probably going to have to bear with me a bit though. Back in September I ended up suffering two concussions 5 days apart and it turned my world upside down. Not the first time my life has come apart at the seams. But it has been an incredible struggle and a lot of the things that I’ve used in the past to help me through rough times either were not there anymore or were not a help. Here we are 6 months later and I still struggle. I’m improving, but it’s been a horribly slow process. I’m hoping that I can improve enough to get back to work in another month, but I’ve been saying that for months, so we shall see. I haven’t posted much about my concussions on the open forums because everything is still ongoing.

But let me back up a little first. Especially because I’ve had to deal with a couple “suicides” in the past few years. I’m honestly not sure what’s worse, an actual suicide or a murder labeled a suicide. Both affect people that you may not consider. Just because you may not see it as affecting anyone (the whole nobody cares about me), doesn’t mean it won’t. I’ve been in both positions. And brother, you will seriously hurt some people with a successful suicide, I can say that with certainty. What’s worse is it can push those people to consider suicide. You never know, there may just be someone who is hanging on just because you’re still alive. They don’t have to be a close friend to be that person. I say that because I have been that person before. So I’m thankful that you’re still with us and that I was unaware of how bad it got for you when I was more vulnerable than I currently am. Because make no mistake, I was in a bad place and struggling pretty hard with things a couple months ago. Still not really in a good place, but not where I was.

It didn’t help matters that a couple months ago a guy who was friends with my gf and who I knew supposedly committed suicide. The original story was he had totaled his car with no registration or insurance and fled the scene a few months before. He promised his daughter that he wouldn’t go back to jail but they were getting close to finding him so he went into a closet in the house he was staying and shot himself in the stomach and wasn’t found for a couple days. It came out before the funeral service that after two weeks the police hadn’t released the body to the family, the gun wasn’t found with him nor powder burns on his hands, a bag of meth was found with him and some other “inconsistencies”. I went with my gf to the funeral and it turned into a shit show with fights starting and an inconsolable baby momma who was cycling between sobbing uncontrollably and wanting to shank someone. That was not at all fun. It hit hard and I wasn’t really much of a friend with the guy. After all, my gf and him cheated on me. It still hit me hard because he didn’t deserve that ending.

I also had a girl I dated for a bit threaten suicide if I broke up with her. She had three kids. I ended up tracking down her pastor and explaining the whole mess because there was no way I could continue dating her and be happy, we had reached the point of divergent paths. I don’t know what happened with it, cut all ties after the pastor said he would take it from there.

 

[mtnrgr]

I know my check in is overdue, need to say thanks to all for your support..it means more than anyone could have ever expected.

I will be going to the good guys show on Sunday in del mar, ca. I could use a good car show...will help with some old roots from my past doing things I enjoy.

Thanks again..

 

[85_Ranger4x4]

I know my check in is overdue, need to say thanks to all for your support..it means more than anyone could have ever expected.

I will be going to the good guys show on Sunday in del mar, ca. I could use a good car show...will help with some old roots from my past doing things I enjoy.

Thanks again..

Have fun!

They do put on a good show, I went to the one in Des Moines a few years ago.

 

[Ranger850]

I will be going to the good guys show on Sunday in del mar, ca. I could use a good car show...will help with some old roots from my past doing things I enjoy.

Thanks again..

get any pics?

 

[lil_Blue_Ford]

I know my check in is overdue, need to say thanks to all for your support..it means more than anyone could have ever expected.

I will be going to the good guys show on Sunday in del mar, ca. I could use a good car show...will help with some old roots from my past doing things I enjoy.

Thanks again..

Glad to hear you’re still with us. I have more to say, but it’s still gonna take me a bit. Last week was pretty brutal on me with everything that needed done and a lack of help plus therapy three days a week and doctors appointments and all. My girlfriend broke her big toe (that had a previous surgery) a couple months ago, and she lives about an hour away, which is more than I’m currently capable of driving plus my parents hate her. So things are a bit difficult.

 

[mtnrgr]

Glad to hear you’re still with us. I have more to say, but it’s still gonna take me a bit. Last week was pretty brutal on me with everything that needed done and a lack of help plus therapy three days a week and doctors appointments and all. My girlfriend broke her big toe (that had a previous surgery) a couple months ago, and she lives about an hour away, which is more than I’m currently capable of driving plus my parents hate her. So things are a bit difficult.

All really sinks in to know who are the ones who stick with us during difficult times...trs has really supported me in a variation of assistance.

Really do hope your situation improves.

 

[mtnrgr]

get any pics?

I didn't, regret it later I didn't.