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rickcdewitt
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Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth exlodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit
: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline..
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
17. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.
18. BOSS (AT WEGMANS): Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
19. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
20. CAR SICKNESS: The feeling you get when the car payment is due.
21. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
22. DERANGE: Where de buffalo roam.
23. DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage.
24. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
25. FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
26. FANCY RESTAURANT: One that serves cold soup on purpose.
27. FATHER: A banker provided by nature.
28. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
29. HEROES : What a guy in a rowboat does.
30. HINDSIGHT: What one experiences from changing diapers.
31. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
32. PARADOX: Two physicians.
33. PRIVATE TUTOR: Someone who doesn't fart in public. (hee...hee...heee!)
34. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
35. SUBDUED: Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
36. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.
37. WITHDRAWL: To remove money from a bank down south.
38. Benign: What you be after you be eight.
39. Artery: The study of paintings.
40. Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
41. Dilate: To live long.
42. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
43. Nitrates: Cheaper than day.
44. Node: Was aware of.
45. Pap Smear: A fatherhood slander.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth exlodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit
: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline..
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
17. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.
18. BOSS (AT WEGMANS): Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
19. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
20. CAR SICKNESS: The feeling you get when the car payment is due.
21. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
22. DERANGE: Where de buffalo roam.
23. DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage.
24. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
25. FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
26. FANCY RESTAURANT: One that serves cold soup on purpose.
27. FATHER: A banker provided by nature.
28. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
29. HEROES : What a guy in a rowboat does.
30. HINDSIGHT: What one experiences from changing diapers.
31. IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
32. PARADOX: Two physicians.
33. PRIVATE TUTOR: Someone who doesn't fart in public. (hee...hee...heee!)
34. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
35. SUBDUED: Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
36. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.
37. WITHDRAWL: To remove money from a bank down south.
38. Benign: What you be after you be eight.
39. Artery: The study of paintings.
40. Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.
41. Dilate: To live long.
42. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
43. Nitrates: Cheaper than day.
44. Node: Was aware of.
45. Pap Smear: A fatherhood slander.
